


is this really goodbye?

by ttaekookies



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Heartbreak, M/M, Regrets, sad beomgyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22381771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttaekookies/pseuds/ttaekookies
Summary: “People say you don’t know what you’ve got until it's gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.”
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	is this really goodbye?

It was in the midst of darkness when Choi Beomgyu sat in front of his desk with a single lamp on scribbling down on a piece of paper. His boyfriend, Choi Soobin, fast asleep on their shared bed. His little snores sounding like music to his ears. He had told him earlier that there was some work that he needed to finish up, only to get an acknowledging grunt in return from the elder.

But he knew that this night would be the last they shared together. 

Tears swelled up under his eye sockets, slowly slipping down his cheek and landed on the paper. The ink being smudged from the wet tears that were being written and some letters becoming unreadable. His hand shaking because of how much he was trembling, trying to focus on finishing up the letter. He had to leave before morning, before his love awaken and realized that he was gone. 

Beomgyu had already prepared his things before his boyfriend arrived home from work. He acted completely normal, still greeting the older with a kiss once he's home and feigning a smile. He held him in his arms longer this day, forcing the tears that wanted to escape back into his eyes for this was the last time he would hold him in his arms. But even the kiss felt different now. The spark was no longer there and his lover no longer looked at him like he was his whole world. 

Even the words _"I love you"_ seemed empty coming from the elder. Like he was forced to speak them. 

Beomgyu knew that Soobin had no longer loved him. 

With so much time apart, he had grown used to keeping himself busy and cope with feeling sad about Soobin not being home. It was then that he realized that their relationship was dead. 

There were no longer any romantic dates, whispering sweet nothings, and intimate embraces. Beomgyu would be lying if he hadn't felt completely alone and neglected by his own boyfriend, the man that he had thought to be the love of his life. He would come home exhausted without a single greeting and heading straight to bed. It leaves the younger broken each time. Soobin filled his heart up with empty promises, only breaking them as time goes on. 

He missed the man that he had fallen in love with. The person that would put him over anything. The one man that had spoiled him and loved him unconditionally. But Beomgyu will no longer keep hoping for that person to come back, he knew that he was long gone. The person he's with now no longer cares about him or even acknowledge his presence. He felt like a burden in his life. 

Setting the pen down on the table, Beomgyu folded the paper up neatly before getting up and making his way over to his sleeping lover. His eyes glassy with tears as he gazes over Soobin's charming features. Admiring the way he looked so peaceful while sleeping. He remembered kissing and adoring his lips, telling his lover how much he loved it. It was his most favorite thing about Soobin. He knelt down on his knees as he reaches forward to trace his lover's cheek one last time, caressing it gently, choking back a sob. "My love..." he mumbled softly as more tears fall from his eyes, his heart twists and aches within his chest. A pain that he had grown used to throughout the months alone. But Soobin was in a deep slumber, not aware of anything that was happening. 

In Beomgyu's heart, he knew he still loved the elder dearly and deeply. Just thinking about being away from him created a miserable scenario in his head. But continuing to be with someone who no longer loved him was more like self-destruction. Having to let go of the person he loved was the most difficult decision he had to make. Moving on and letting go would take some time, but forgetting him would take a lifetime. 

"I'm sorry for not being enough, baby." he cried quietly, his words coming out as whispers. His heart cracking a bit more, not even knowing how broken and a mess that he is now. There was nothing left of his heart to break, the only thing to do now is mend back the broken pieces. Beomgyu continued to gaze sadly, but endearingly at Soobin. Images of their loving memories flashing through his mind. From the first moment they met, their first kiss, their first "I love yous", their first time making love, to now. "Please don't forget about me." he says, leaning in to press one last kiss on his lips trying to do so gently so he won’t wake up his love. Beomgyu doesn't even remember the last time they had kissed. He didn't know how much he missed the other male's lips until now, wishing he could curl up in his beloved's embrace forever more. "I love you." he whispered before getting back up and setting the letter on the nightstand. His cheeks stained with dry tears. 

Beomgyu makes his way into the closet to grab his bag, looking longingly at it for a while. He reminisces the memory of moving in with his boyfriend for the first time, finally taking another step forward in their relationship. Beomgyu shakes his head, tossing the bag over his shoulder and making his way out of the bedroom. He took one last look at his lover's sleeping figure. 

"Good-bye, Soobin." he whispered. A single drop of tear fell from his eye before he disappeared out the door, leaving Soobin alone in the now cold and dark apartment. 

* * *

> _Dear My Beloved,_
> 
> _By the time you read this, I am probably already long gone. I'm sorry I have to do it this way, but I don't think I could've told you this face-to-face. My heart won't be able to take it. I'll be honest with you, baby. These past few months have been a blur to me. I thought that I'll be happy just seeing you at least once everyday. But you've been away for weeks on end without speaking to me. I have felt so alone. But everytime you would return, my heart would be happy just by the sight of you. Even as I'm kissing you and hugging you, I could tell that you no longer felt the same. As the months go by, I could tell that you were slowly falling out of love with me. We started to talk less and my heart aches because I know you no longer love me. I'm doing this for the sake of my happiness and yours. I love you... and I just want you to be happy, even if I'm not the person for you. We have shared many precious memories together and I will never regret meeting you. Thank-you for loving me and giving me the opportunity to fall in love with you. I hope that you will be happy now. Please be healthy and always smile for me._
> 
> _With Love Always,_
> 
> **_Beomgyu_ **

"Beomgyu..." Soobin's voice cracked reading the last sentence, his fingers crumbling the letter as tears fell from his eyes. The feeling of guilt immediately eating him up. He never thought about how the younger would feel, always alone and sad. He was such a terrible boyfriend. Promising his angel that he would treat him right, that he would love him and be different from everyone that had hurt him in the past. But he was just the same, or maybe even worse than them. The truth is, Soobin had never stopped loving Beomgyu. He was too caught up in work and his own life that he suddenly neglected the younger without realizing it. It was too late now, Beomgyu was already gone. He had already lost the love of his life. 

"I'm so sorry." he says even knowing that Beomgyu couldn't hear him, holding the letter to his chest and crying his heart out. How could he not have felt such pain before? How could he not realize that he had been hurting his most precious person? 

If he could turn back time and make everything alright, he would. But you don't realize what you have until it's gone. Soobin learned it the hard way. 

* * *

_"But you **are** my happiness, baby love. I would never let go of my happiness. The world would be so dark and ugly then, angel. I need you to shine on me and show me the way." Soobin smiled down at his beloved, his fingers stroking through his lover's hair gently. His angel's chocolate brown hair flowing smoothly between his fingers. _

_Beomgyu hummed at the gentle strokes, leaning his head more into his touch. He closes his eyes as he bathes into the warmth and comfort of his boyfriend's embrace, giggling softly. "Awww baby. Stop, you're making me all soft. You are the source of my happiness as well. You light up my life." he says, eyes glancing back at his boyfriend lovingly. His eyes shining brighter when their eyes meet in an intimate gaze. Beomgyu could feel his heart beating happily in his chest, feeling incredibly adored by just Soobin's words. His boyfriend always knowing how to melt his heart._

_"I promise you, baby love. I know I say it a lot, but I promise I won't ever do something like that to you. I want to be your present and future. And I want you to be my present and future as well. I would be a fool if I ever let you go. You're mine, I'm yours and I don't want that to change." the other assures his lover, smiling down at him in his arms. He leans down to plant an affectionate kiss on the top of his head, arms wrapped securely around Beomgyu's waist and never wanting to let him go. Just having Beomgyu in his arms feel unreal, almost losing him for good in the past. Soobin swore to never make another mistake that would cause him to lose the love of his life ever again._

_Beomgyu hums at his boyfriend's answer, satisfied when he reassured him of his worries and doubts. "You are my person too, baby. I'm happy that I have you in my life. I only want you." his eyes sparkling with emotion of passion as he looks at Soobin before leaning up to press a long kiss to the older's lips. Beomgyu moves a bit to wrap his arms around his lover's neck, mumbling softly. "I love you more than anything, Soobin." his heart swooning when he speaks those words to his boyfriend, pulling him closer to himself and melting into his lips._

_"I love you too, Beomgyu, so much." Soobin spoke quietly in-between kisses, wanting to assure the younger of his feelings for him. He circled his arms around Beomgyu's waist, tugging him onto his lap and deepening the kiss. His fingers tangled into his hair, giving it a light tug which emits a soft moan from the younger._

_“Stay with me forever.” Beomgyu whispered in the midst of kissing the love of his life, he leans his entire body on top of the older and pressing his lips more against Soobin’s._

_“I promise, baby.” those words spoken by the elder now a lie._

**Author's Note:**

> the end! hope everyone enjoyed this short story. i'll probably add an alternate ending soon so please do look forward to that.


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